What this quiz measures
Most quizzes ask what your partner does. This one turns the question around: what do you do when you’re hurt, jealous or afraid of losing them? Each question describes a concrete behavior, and you say how often it happens. Answer for what you actually do, not what you wish you did.
The result levels
- 0 to 24Few behaviors that hurt your relationshipThe basics are there: respect, freedom, owning your mistakes.
- 25 to 44A few habits to watchThey come back when things get tense.
- 45 to 69Several behaviors to changeThey often come from fear, but your partner pays the price.
- 70 to 100A lot of behaviors that hurt your relationshipNot a label: behaviors, and behaviors can change.
10 toxic behaviors in a relationship
- Checking their phone or their social media behind their back.
- Needing constant updates and getting upset when they don’t text back fast.
- The silent treatment instead of saying what hurt.
- Dragging up the past to win a fight.
- Apologies with a “but” that turn back into blame.
- Threatening to leave to get what you want.
- Testing them: going quiet on purpose, making them jealous.
- Keeping score of everything you do for them.
- Jabs “as a joke” in front of other people.
- Pushing past a “no” until they give in.
Am I the toxic one, or is the relationship toxic?
Asking yourself the question is already a good sign: people who never question themselves rarely take this quiz. Sometimes the behaviors you regret are reactions to a relationship that makes you anxious. That doesn’t erase them, but it changes what to work on.
If you feel controlled, guilty or afraid yourself, take the toxic relationship quiz, which asks the same kind of questions about your partner’s behavior.
How to stop being toxic: 5 steps
- Pick one behaviorThe one that comes back most in your result, not all of them at once.
- Find the triggerUsually a fear: of being left, of not mattering, of being lied to.
- Replace it with words“I’m worried, can we talk?” instead of checking, sulking or threatening.
- Own it when it slipsA real apology, with no “but you…” at the end.
- Get an outside viewA friend, a therapist, or an analysis of your real texts.
Your side, and theirs
This quiz only sees how you see yourself. Your texts show how things actually play out between you: who escalates, who pulls away, who apologizes. Nola reads them and shows you both sides, without judging.
Frequently asked questions
Can this quiz tell me if I'm toxic?
It won't put a label on you. It looks at specific behaviors in your relationship (checking their phone, the silent treatment, threats to leave, anger, guilt-tripping) and how often they show up in your answers. Behaviors aren't who you are: they can change.
Is this quiz really free?
Yes. The quiz, the score and the breakdown are free, with no sign-up. Nobody sees your answers: the score is calculated in your browser.
What does a toxic person do in a relationship?
The most common behaviors are control (checking, demanding updates), emotional pressure (threats to leave, guilt-tripping), the silent treatment, fights where old stuff gets dragged up, jabs “as a joke,” and pushing past a “no.” What makes them toxic is repetition, not one bad day.
Am I toxic, or is the relationship?
Often both feed each other: an anxious partner checks, the other pulls away, the first one checks more. The quiz looks at your side. To see both sides, Nola can read your texts and show what each of you brings to the dynamic.
How do I stop being toxic in my relationship?
Start with the one behavior that comes back most, not all of them at once. Name what triggers it (usually a fear), replace it with a sentence (“I'm worried, can we talk?” instead of checking their phone), and own it when it slips. If your anger or need for control feels out of hand, a counselor can help, and the National Domestic Violence Hotline also talks with people worried about their own behavior.